The Price We Pay
by thatreevesgirl
Summary: It is the price we pay. Every bit of strife and every fragment of love makes us stronger, forging who we are. Shikamaru x Chouji. Warnings yaoi and character death


**Title**: The Price We Pay  
**Pairing**: Shikamaru x Chouji  
**Fandom**: Naruto  
**For** --- RockGaara 3  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Word Count**: 4300  
**Genre**: Hurt-Comfort  
**WARNINGS**: character death (not Shikamaru or Chouji), yaoi

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**The Price We Pay**

**One-Shot**

**by Lemon Drops/thatreevesgirl (both me)**

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There were soft plinks on the counter as Shikamaru searched through his weapon pouch, dumping his meager coinage into a small pile to pay for the lunch he was purchasing from the convenience store. There was a familiar air surrounding the young, respected jounin as he quirked his eyebrows into a sour look. His aura wasn't happy or angry, rather a feeling of vague annoyance seemed to encompass him. Shikamaru sighed and slumped his shoulders as he began digging into his other pockets, looking for the money he could have sworn he placed on his person earlier that morning. Chouji had already paid for his meal and gotten an extra bag of chips on the side. Despite how entertaining it was to see his friend get a bit flustered, he soon offered up a couple of coins to help Shikamaru pay for his food. 

"Thanks Chouji," was the genuine gratitude the bigger man received from his friend. It was rare for Shikamaru to express gratitude to anyone, but with Chouji it had always been that way. The two of them were the best of friends, each trusting the other with their lives. Shikamaru offered up a cocky smile and grabbed his food from the clerk. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for that vein to start popping out of Shikamaru's forehead again, because the short, impatient taps of Ino's foot on the floor behind him were driving him insane. Chouji chuckled, and even as slight as his laugh was, it caused his shoulders to shake and earned him a needle-like knuckle to the ribs from Ino.

"You guys said you wanted to train more as a team, and here we are eating lunch. I haven't even seen a kunai or a shadow or a single jutsu out of either of you all day. What part of training are we doing exactly?"

As much as she annoyed Shikamaru, like most women did, Ino was right. They'd lazed around most of the day, not accomplishing much in the way of training. So the only thing Shikamaru could do was shrug his shoulders noncommittally and remind her that Chouji needed food to keep up his chakra levels, and that training would be useless if they didn't feed the big guy first. It seemed to appease Ino, at least enough to make her quiet. She bought an apple and practically stomped out of the store.

"I'll be waiting for the two of you in the eastern training area. You have thirty minutes for lunch, and after that, if you haven't showed then I'm going home!" Ino huffed as she walked away, her long, blond hair swaying in contrast with her hips, whipping in the air as she made haste to the training grounds with her single apple.

"She is such a pain," Shikamaru groaned as he bit into the bean-filled bun he'd purchased. Chouji didn't affirm that, because he actually liked Ino, even her haughty attitude. She and Shikamaru were such polar opposites, and he was somewhere right in the middle of the two of them. Ino kept their team motivated, Shikamaru kept them on the right track, and Chouji considered himself the one who grounded them all. He secretly patched up any problems their team had with his warm smile and big heart. It was one of the many abilities he discovered over the years.

Ino and Shikamaru didn't dislike each other, they just bickered more than most people did. And even if they did fight from time to time, it rarely affected missions or training. When it came to working with one another as shinobi, the three of them flowed together like water. However, when not working, Shikamaru and Ino were not exactly the best of friends. They were amicable toward one another, but acted like siblings. Naruto had once been on the receiving end of Ino's fist when he had suggested that Shikamaru and Ino would make a good couple. Chouji knew his teammates were more than happy to not be in a relationship with one another. They were contented to just fight. It seemed to placate Shikamaru's secret need to complain, and Ino had a real penchant for nagging. Without a steady man of her own, Shikamaru was a rather good fill-in for her to pick on.

Still, it saddened Chouji to know how alone Shikamaru felt at times. Ino wasn't bashful, and for the most part was satisfied with her flirty ways and flighty relationships, but Shikamaru wasn't one to go and seek the comfort of another person. Chouji knew every person needed someone else, it was something intrinsically built into the way human beings ticked. There was a desire for people to reach out and look for that connection with one another. Like Shikamaru, he too was more than familiar with that kind of loneliness.

Shikamaru was strolling along slowly a few yards ahead of him, so Chouji allowed a small sigh to escape his lips between bites of his lunch. He might have been well-respected by other shinobi, and Chouji had made many more friends over the years, but he _was_ lonely. Chouji didn't ponder these thoughts often, usually only when the topic of relationships crossed his mind, like just moments before. He wanted happiness for his teammates, but found it to be frustrating how Shikamaru pushed some people away and how Ino would agree to date almost anyone with no regard to her own feelings as long as the man was the devilishly handsome type.

Shikamaru was the kind of guy who erected a barrier of sarcasm around himself. People didn't get close because he didn't particularly want them there. Chouji, however, wasn't like that. Looking down at the potato chips in one of his hands, he pondered how different his life would be if he weren't a ninja. Performing his ninjutsu required such vast reserves of energy, and if he didn't have it stored up, then he would be literally consumed by his ninja techniques. He didn't want to admit it, but Ino's kind compliments after particularly exhausting days of training bothered him. She told him he looked handsome, Shikamaru told Chouji he looked gangly. Either way, fighting and using up his chakra reserves allowed Chouji to reveal himself to his teammates in a different light, looking like a different person. Ino and Shikamaru were two of the handful of people in the entire world who knew how Chouji would appear if he weren't a shinobi.

Chouji tried not to be bitter about it. He would much rather deal with being what some considered unattractive as long as he was able to protect the village and people who he loved dearly. That was better than being some tall, handsome civilian. It did bother him that people couldn't see beyond his appearance, thinking that just because he wasn't the ideal, lithe ninja type, that he wasn't worth their time. There was so much more to him, but few people tried to dig far enough underneath to know who he really was. Even Chouji's closest friends were distant in at least some respects. All except Shikamaru. Shikamaru was the only person who accepted Chouji completely and understood him as well.

"Hey, what's on your mind big guy?" Shikamaru asked, his usually slow, lazy voice tinged with a hint of worry.

"Nothing," was Chouji's response. Of course Shikamaru didn't believe it. It would have been obvious to almost anyone that Chouji was upset, so of course Shikamaru, being the genius he was, noticed it straight away.

Chouji scrunched his brows together and bit down a hard on a chip, Shikamaru just sighed and continued eating his own food. A few more steps and a slight smirk crossed Shikamaru's lips. Turning to his friend, he allowed a single choked chuckle before asking, "So how pissed do you think Ino would be at us if we played hooky?"

Just like when they were kids, Chouji thought. Shikamaru had talked him into skipping out on so many classes and pulling more pranks than he thought imaginable. There were a lot of days Chouji received detention at the academy due to his friend's lackadaisical attitude, and even now Shikamaru had a profound influence on him.

"Ino would kill us," Chouji snickered as he munched on another chip. It was not a good idea, he knew it. Shikamaru had begged Ino, well as close as Shikamaru could get to begging, it was more like apathetic whining, for days to work on a new jutsu with him, but she'd been really busy. Ino had finally found time to put them into her schedule and now Shikamaru was suggesting skipping out on her. Chouji wasn't sure what purpose it had, but he knew Shikamaru never did anything without a reason. He took his job seriously, and he rarely pissed off their female teammate without justification.

"I was thinking what a waste it would be not to appreciate the day. Winter is going to be here soon, so how many more days are we going to have like today for cloud watching?"

Chouji watched as Shikamaru scratched the side of his chin, not really making eye contact, then told him, "It's alright, Shikamaru, I'm fine."

"I'm just saying, those clouds are begging to be watched…"

"Ino would kill us," Chouji reaffirmed. "It's a nice thought, but I'd like to get some training in too."

The two of them ate the rest of their meal in silence, walking slowly to the training ground to find where Ino was. Chouji noted how his friend kept stealing glances, and he kept reminding Shikamaru that he was fine. Really, he was. Feeling sorry for yourself didn't mean there was something wrong. It was something all people did from time to time, as long as when you look at the bigger picture, you realize that there are things which trump your own broken feelings. Chouji knew and understood this. Chouji had gone through many things over the years which made his insecurities seem insignificant. As a ninja you knew things could change overnight, and that you had to live for the moment and for the people you cared about. Most importantly, you had to protect the people you loved, because they were the reason shinobi like Chouji even existed.

* * *

Perhaps if he had just played hooky with Shikamaru one more time she wouldn't have been killed, but then again they might have all died if they had done that. Either way, Ino was dead. Chouji remembered how after many, many hours on that training field, Ino and Shikamaru couldn't sync up their new combination jutsu. Ino was good, but she wasn't a jounin. Shikamaru had complained a lot, provoking what was probably the fifteenth argument Chouji's teammates had gotten into that day. It was something he had found funny at the time, but Chouji wished he had helped them patch it up and give it another go instead of getting a good laugh in as Ino kicked up some dirt and made haste for home. It wasn't the argument which hurt their team, it was the incomplete jutsu. Their last mission had put them in a compromised position which required it. 

Ever since Asuma's death, Shikamaru had made more than a few decisions which were not necessarily in his own best interest. He went out of his way to protect the people he cared about, and that meant Ino and Chouji first and foremost. He would put himself in harms way during missions if it meant preventing injury to his team. So it surprised Chouji when Ino talked Shikamaru into allowing them to try that incomplete jutsu. It was risky, and as many steps as Shikamaru thought ahead, he must have concluded that survival was impossible any other way. Shikamaru also put a lot of trust in Ino and believed in her abilities.

Chouji sat silently at his teammate's bedside, disliking immensely the stringent antiseptic scent which burned his nostrils. Shikamaru had undergone surgery for his extensive injuries, but Sakura assured Chouji that he would recover. Now the hard part was waiting until Shikamaru woke up, and worse, having to tell him Ino didn't make it. Their three man cell had dwindled even further, leaving only the two of them. Ino was irreplaceable, seeing as her body transfer jutsu perfectly complimented Shikamaru's shadow possession jutsu. Chouji had no such technique which would sync as perfectly with his friend as Ino's did. He pondered for a moment if they would be split up and put on new teams, or if they would be allowed to assimilate someone new onto his and Shikamaru's squad.

Chouji looked down at his hands which were sitting in his lap. They were clasped together tightly, his knuckles white with frustration. In the end, there was little he could do for Ino or Shikamaru. Chouji's jutsu hadn't been the right type for countermeasures against the enemy they were combating, and so Shikamaru had shielded him, and Ino had died protecting him. Hot tears stung at his eyes as he recounted the many ways he could have helped, even if it had cost Chouji his own life, but in everything is clearer in retrospect. Chouji couldn't undo the past, no matter how much he wanted to. What Chouji wouldn't give to have that day back, the one where he could have skipped out on training and watched the clouds with Shikamaru. Maybe, he mused, they could have gone to the training ground and invited Ino along. She would have bitched at first, as she was prone to do, but in the end it would have been the three of them sitting beneath a warm, fall sky, enjoying a horizon filled with possibilities.

"Hey, don't cry," a muffled voice ordered. A bittersweet happiness overcame him, because Chouji was so glad his friend was awake and alive and safe. Unfortunately, he had to tell Shikamaru about Ino, but Chouji couldn't look him in the eye, he couldn't stand to be the one to break the news.

Shikamaru attempted to shift and move an unsteady hand toward Chouji, but only succeeded in tangling himself in some tubes and healing seals. Chouji finally looked up, if only to insist that Shikamaru stay still. There was no verbal command, only one gentle hand atop Shikamaru's, urging him to stop moving. There was a moment of silence as Shikamaru's eyes caught Chouji's, and being the genius he was, the young Nara was able to decipher his friend's grief almost immediately. Ino was dead.

"…oh, I…" Shikamaru stumbled over his words, and in the end he chose nothing in lieu of idle chatter.

"I'm sorry," Chouji gritted his teeth hard as he forced the words out. "I couldn't save you both."

It wasn't that Chouji wasn't strong enough, or capable enough, he had made a decision. He didn't have the ability to anticipate the enemy's attacks like Shikamaru did, and in his haste had gone with his gut reaction—save Shikamaru. Chouji disliked how he was clumsy and still prone to mistakes, even after all these years. He hated even worse that he hadn't picked a more obvious choice, he should have sacrificed himself so Ino and Shikamaru could have possibly made it out alive.

"You…muscled your way out, didn't you?" Shikamaru asked, allowing a shuddering, grieving breath into his lungs.

"Yeah, but…"

Shikamaru promptly continued, making his words as clear and insistent as he possibly could. "Then don't you dare think her death is your fault."

Chouji didn't understand. How was this not his fault? When their jutsu failed, he should have been able to step up and offer help where needed, he should have been strong enough to save the day, or at the very least both of his teammates.

"Do you really think Ino or I would have been able to power our way out of that situation without you?"

Chouji gripped his hands together in his lap again, "No…"

"Yeah, exactly, Chouji. So don't think if you sacrificed yourself we both would have been able to escape." Shikamaru seemed to be reading Chouji's mind, but Chouji knew it was because of their closeness that the Nara was able to so easily interpret his friend's thoughts. "Those assholes were fast, and they would have been on us too quickly for Ino or me to counter."

"Okay, but…" Chouji tried again.

"And which one of us was closer to you? Who was the logical person to take with you?"

"You, by the book it would have been you, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru grimaced at that. The young jounin might have known it was true, but somewhere deep down he would have preferred for Chouji to have saved Ino, but ninja code dictated that you take no necessary risks when fleeing. The council had made stricter policies on that in the last few years despite several people's disapproval of the new crackdown on the rules. Shikamaru was definitely among the dissenting minority. "Okay, if you did it by the book, then you can't blame yourself."

Chouji squeezed his eyes shut, tears forcefully pushed out of the corners. He angrily shook his head and finally the words he'd bottled up exploded into the open, "I did it because it was _you_, Shikamaru. I wanted to save you."

The reaction Shikamaru gave wasn't exactly what Chouji had hoped for, though he hadn't thought it would be a positive one, he wasn't prepared for how his friend reacted. "That was stupid, Chouji," Shikamaru growled as he shifted his head, his unbound hair falling in front of his face, hiding his eyes from sight.

"I don't care if it was stupid, Shikamaru, I couldn't…"

The lump in Chouji's throat seemed permanently stuck. He couldn't quite figure out what he was trying to say, nor could he really understand why. Despite all of Chouji's flaws, Shikamaru accepted him and made him feel like he was worthy of more. There were no putdowns or pain or expectations of things Chouji couldn't and wouldn't be. Shikamaru was the person who saw his anguish and asked if he was alright. Through all the bullshit and all the hell they'd experienced together, Shikamaru had stood by his side faithfully. Chouji loved Ino as his friend and teammate, but when it came down to it, there was a part of him who would have never forgiven himself if he had let Shikamaru die.

"Shikamaru, I'm sorry," Chouji whispered, burying his face in his hands and letting himself sob and grieve. The regret washed over him, but still there was a part of Chouji which was relieved, the part which had urged himself to save Shikamaru.

Silence seemed to blanket the room. It was deafening, and neither Chouji nor Shikamaru could find the words to break it. Finally, Chouji shifted in his chair, and then stood, pacing for a moment as he considered what to do next. Shikamaru watched the bigger man closely, a rare, confused look on his face. Shikamaru was hardly ever at a loss for words, and being left dumbfounded happened only when he dealt with one of two things, women or death. There was something about those two things which Shikamaru would never be able to wrap his mind around, they would continue to baffle him until the end of his life.

Chouji's pacing stopped, and he looked down at Shikamaru, catching the eye of the young man who was still lying quietly in his hospital bed. "I saved you because I love you," were the firm, unwavering words spoken by Chouji Akimichi to his best friend Shikamaru Nara. "It's not an excuse, it's just the truth. I guess you and I will both have to live with that."

Chouji didn't expect an answer, he half expected Shikamaru to ask him to leave, but Shikamaru was known for his surprising nature. It was unusual to hear Shikamaru speak with none of the sarcasm or lazy droning, but his words were nothing but candid and honest as Shikamaru insisted, "Chouji, I would have done the same thing. I would have saved you too, it was what I was trying…" he choked momentarily, the dark wisps of his hair matting to Shikamaru's cheeks where the tears were trailing down. "I tried to save you, and I failed. Makes me the pathetic one, doesn't it?"

Chouji understood, in that moment he realized what Shikamaru had done. The jutsu with Ino could have only ended one of two ways, either it worked and they all survived, or it failed and at the very least it would give Chouji the ability to escape. Without the jutsu they would have all perished.

"It was stupid of you to try to rescue either of us," Shikamaru grumbled, his voice's normal irritated pitch back. "It could have gotten you killed."

"I don't care," Chouji reaffirmed. His heart was too heavy to smirk or joke. He had lost Ino, and nearly lost Shikamaru, the grief weighed heavily upon him as he reached out and cupped Shikamaru's cheek. "I love you," he whispered again. "The reason why I'm a ninja is to protect the people I love, so you should know that I would give my life for you."

Shikamaru hesitantly nuzzled into the large, warm hand of his friend. His body was still broken, attached to tubes and wires and seals, and losing Ino was something Shikamaru couldn't even begin to handle at the moment, but somehow Chouji helped to dull that anguish. Shikamaru had been teased more than once for being a crybaby, but he couldn't help as hot tears fell down his face. He felt numb, deadened from everything he'd been through. Chouji's empty hand moved to Shikamaru's other cheek, and slowly leaned forward. Shikamaru could only slightly recognize the familiar sensation of lips on his, only realizing at the very end as Chouji pulled away that he had just been kissed.

"_You_ are my strength, Shikamaru," Chouji whispered into one of Shikamaru's ears. He leaned close, bending carefully over the mending body of the man Chouji had grown to love since he was a boy. There was something about Shikamaru which made everything bad disappear as long as he was near. Chouji knew as long as he had Shikamaru, he could survive anything.

Fingers found purchase on Chouji's shirt, balling the material as tightly as Shikamaru could manage. Chouji placed one hand atop Shikamaru's, holding it tightly and pressing the slighter man's hands to his chest. It felt so right to be here like this, and Chouji almost cursed himself for never admitting his feelings sooner. Shikamaru wasn't the kind of person who would come right out and say that he loved you back. Shikamaru had gone as far as to call that type of person foolish, but as lips lightly brushed against Chouji's cheek, then his lips, there was no doubt that Shikamaru returned Chouji's feelings. But it was still a surprise when Shikamaru soundlessly formed the words "I love you too," against Chouji's mouth before solidifying the kiss.

Both of them missed the door opening, and neither Shikamaru nor Chouji even knew another person was in the room until Sakura cleared her throat with a resounding, "Ah-hem." Chouji jumped back, and Shikamaru startled himself so hard that he immediately regretted it. Pain spiked through his abdomen where a kunai had sliced him open.

"My patient needs his rest Chouji," Sakura told the two men quietly. Chouji was about to argue when he saw the puffy, red eyes of Ino's best friend staring back at him. He couldn't argue with her, and being reminded of Ino's death put a dampener on his and Shikamaru's happy reunion. Chouji was about to leave when Sakura amended herself and told him that there was an extra blanket in the linen closet, and if he wanted to, he could sleep in the room's empty bed, as long as they slept and did nothing else.

Chouji agreed straight away, and Shikamaru nodded with a frustrated grumble under his breath. Before Sakura left Chouji hugged her and they silently shared a moment of grief. After closing the door behind Sakura, Chouji stepped back to Shikamaru's bed, gently touching his injured friend's cheek before he brushed aside the messy strands of hair and kissed Shikamaru atop his forehead. Shikamaru tried to resist, but Chouji tucked his sheet around him, then covered himself with the blanket Sakura had told him about. Chouji looked over at Shikamaru seeing the injured man had already fallen asleep again.

A part of Chouji's heart had died right along with Asuma, and now there was another piece taken as Ino was killed. Chouji was grateful for Shikamaru and the newfound realization that he loved his friend, and that he was loved back. Fighting against his exhaustion Chouji appreciated how life did balance itself out. The hardships and hatred teetered precociously back and forth with the kindness and righteousness of life. Just before dreams swept Chouji away, he realized it must be the price we pay. Every bit of strife and every fragment of love made him stronger, forging the person he was. If it weren't for Asuma's death he might not have been able to save Shikamaru. If it weren't for Ino's, Chouji might not have admitted to loving Shikamaru.

Chouji had moved the extra bed close enough to Shikamaru's that he was able to reach out and touch him. So as he prepared to lose the battle with his overwhelming need for sleep, Chouji's hand held Shikamaru's and squeezed it gently. "The price we pay," he murmured quietly before drifting off into a dreamless slumber.

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End file.
